One Fear That’s Often Overlooked In Parenting ?
When you have a child, there are tons of things that you are fearful about. And in this post you’ll discover one thing that every parent must definitely be fearful about.
As a parent you love your child so much that you are constantly worried about them from dawn to dusk. Like,
What kind of friends would s/he make?
How can I keep him/her safe from strangers?
Would it be safe to send them on the trip?
How much marks will s/he score?
Will they get into a good college?
What if s/he falls from the cycle on a busy road?
Is s/he really going to her friend’s place to study?
How will s/he make a place for themselves in this competitive world?
And the list goes on…… Often the fear is about their future or their safety, isn’t it?
And then there is this another fear which is often overlooked and not many parents pay heed to it. It is – children are observing you. Rishi
One day, I was running late for work, and I closed one of the bottom draws with my leg in a hurry. The next second I hear my son say to me, “papa, don’t close the drawer with the leg. Please use your hands”.
Another day he pretended that he has cut his finger and asked me to apply turmeric on it. And when I asked him why turmeric, he said, “mummy had cut her finger in the kitchen and she applied turmeric immediately”.
There are countless such incidents where he mirrors actions and words of what he observes from people around him.
Gradually I began to realise that children not only observe the actions, they also observe how people around them regulate and express their emotions.
This realization propelled my wife and I to change many things in us. Like, when he throws a tantrum, what we do is:
Hug him and calmly repeat what’s expected out of him. For e.g: we say, “I know you want that and you are upset about not getting it. I can’t give it to you because…….(reason)”
We distract him by showing a lizard on the wall or abruptly start saying a story. For e.g: ‘You know what happened yesterday when we went to the park………(a story that’s instantaneously cooked)’
When he is terribly upset, we try to figure out if he needs more play to exhaust his energy, or if he is sleepy/hungry or we calmly chant om shanti mantra.
As we often respond to his tantrums with more care, empathy and love, he now throws fewer tantrums and what’s more important is that he is beginning to express the same emotions of care, empathy and love when he finds someone in the family being unusual.
Your child is observing you all the time and that’s something to be cautious and fearful about.
I see so many parents shouting at their child, asking them to remain calm. What an irony it is to calm a child by raising our own voice.
And I wonder how will children learn to remain calm during challenging times if we as adults lose our cool and patience all the time.
I don’t mean to say that one can’t get angry at all, but do you agree that it’s good to be around people who are as calm as the sea.
I can’t agree more with the words of Albert Einstein who once said that,
“Setting an example is not the main means of influencing others; it is the only means”
So as a parent if you are truly seeking to influence your child to reach great heights, then you must see within yourself at what height are you standing?
Often parents demand children to do things that they themselves don’t do.
In today’s world, the speed at which we are embracing technology, parents are highly distracted yet we demand our child to have great concentration.
We scroll and watch Netflix until mid night but we expect our children to go to bed without screen and sleep early. And I have heard many children question their parents back – “are you following what you are asking us to do?”.
Often the only response that parents have is to shut the voice of their children by shaming them or giving them a long list of reasonable excuses. Do you think it’s fair?
If your answer is NO, and you feel that it’s important to be mindful and cautious of our words and action, then print the quote below and save it as reminder in your room or as a wall paper on your mobile or whatever works for you to raise yourself to raise your child.
“Children are great imitators, so give them something great to imitate”.
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